• Mouth Noises–My baby can eat a banana with a dry mouth in my ear and I’ll think it’s adorable. Husband: please close your mouth, your chewing is waking up the neighbors.
  • Heavy Breathing–omg my baby’s breath is so sweet and his little voice is so cute! Husband: you better shut your mouth before I stuff a sock in there. I’m trying to sleep.
  • Pulling up my shirt when I’m not expecting it–awww, the baby’s hungry! I guess I’ll go feed him now. Husband: how dare you! I am not even through my first glass of wine yet.
  • Runny Nose–Poor baby, let my gently wipe that for you, you sweet little sickie. Husband: Do you REALLY have to blow your nose right when I’m on the verge of falling asleep? I’m gonna go sleep on the couch if you keep sniffling like that.
  • Farts–*baby farts* omg that was the cutest little sound I’ve ever heard in my life! Husband: dude, did you really have to do that in the car? You couldn’t have done it two seconds earlier when you were standing outside?
  • Getting hungry–poor baby, you must be starving! Let me stop what I’m doing and get you a snack right away! Husband: I know you won’t eat all day unless I pack you a lunch, but you’re also a grown man and I have a million other things to take care of, so, here’s a banana.
  • Kisses–Look! The baby learned how to give kisses!! *asks for twenty kisses in a row*. Husband: I like, really love kissing you, but it always leads to something else and I’m just too damn tired for that tonight.
Just look at that face! He can get away with anything.
  • Disclaimer: I adore my husband and honestly can’t get enough of him, but sometimes we drive each other crazy, and after writing this list I realize it usually has to do with some kind of bodily function.

One thought on “Things My Baby Gets Away With That My Husband Should Never Do

  1. This is so funny, Courtney and I just love love love your writing. And the picture is perfect and I agree that is so funny that you realize that most of it is bodily functions. I love you and I love your writings.


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