It’s funny how God works.  Sometimes I think He must really get a kick out of watching us flounder around trying to figure things out when He knows exactly how everything will play out. For example, today I had a bomb dropped on me. Just when I thought life couldn’t get any more tumultuous or uncertain, I find out my job as I know it is radically changing. I work for a privately owned cardiology office, and we found out that our practice is going to be absorbed by our competitors.  This is HUGE news to all of us and there will be so many changes in store.  I believe I’ll have a job, but what will I be doing? Who will I be working for? Will I get to work alongside my coworkers who I love so much? No clue! The one thing I thought was certain, my job, is now a huge mystery.

Another overwhelming change that could take place very soon is the transition to homeownership.  We are in the process of buying a house and we are clueless.  Last night we looked at the most adorable house! I can already see myself living there.  I can see the color of the walls and the way we’ll arrange all our furniture. It just feels like home. But we’ve only looked at five houses so it would be much too soon to make an offer, right? Do we trust our gut or listen to those that have more experience than us?  It’s funny, I don’t think my rebel was very happy with me last night.  We met the realtor and he was a very hip, suave dude.  He was extremely friendly, but super “cool.”  He wore a beanie and skinny  jeans, and my pleaser immediately came out to impress him.  I was too scared to ask questions and admit I was a novice to home buying (like he didn’t know), so I nodded and smiled and internally asked myself these questions:”what does appraisal mean? We have to pay interest? (I’ve never understood the concept).  Is that amount of square feet a lot or a little? The roof is 4 years old…and how long does a roof live?” These sorts of questions. Luckily my brilliant husband was there to soak it all in and explain it to me later in a way that I could understand.

I know everything will work out.  I cannot see into the future and it’s driving me crazy, especially when dealing with big decisions like these.  I may pout and complain that God doesn’t give me what I want, but the truth is HE knows what’s best for me because He CAN see the future! He has woven together a beautiful story for me and I get to be the main character! Of course I have free will, but I see my life as a canoe floating down the river–I can steer it, but it will go in the direction the river takes it. I don’t know what will happen with my job or a house (or that other thing that I want so desperately and isn’t happening quickly enough).  But I do know God works all things for the good of those who love Him.  My rebel, with a little help from the Holy Spirit, will guide me to the right place.

So, present Courtney that’s feeling hopeful and optimistic, remember that things always have a way of working out.  Remind future Courtney that when the future looks bleak, change can happen in the blink of an eye.  And remind her that we have a good Shepherd who is guiding us and has wonderful things in store for us. Remind her that suffering is a necessary part of life now, but one day He will wipe a way every tear.  Right now we see through a glass dimly, but one day we will look back and see all God has done and marvel at the fact we ever doubted Him.


One thought on “Doubt, Change, and Hope

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